In A Sense Nostalgic

Here we are to the glorious weekend again. Reading over the past entries on this site, it strikes me that it doesn't very accurately reflect the real life of an average 2nd year medical student. Of course, that life isn't very interesting. It looks like this: class, study, more study, coffee, clinics, organizational meetings, study, sleep/drink (depending on the day of the week), tiger-fighting. Yes, tiger-fighting. It's how we keep in shape.

My first "girlfriend" was in 8th grade. Her name is an online secret but we'll call her "Flamingo". Flamingo was great-looking and very sweet but eventually we broke up, because that's what you do in 8th grade. She told me it was because our relationship "wasn't going anywhere". I still tell that story to this day and we all laugh because 8TH GRADE! Ha, here's your ring!

I hadn't seen Flamingo since I was 17. I'm now 24, so it's been awhile. Tonight we ran into one another while meeting mutual friends. She was freaking good-looking. We chatted, will probably see each other around town because as big as this city is, it's hard to avoid people you knew. Harder still when you hang around similar people socially.

So I was thinking tonight and I got to wondering, just how much we let ourselves become defined by things like relationships or what-not. And by ourselves, I mean myself because I don't know you very well anymore and you could not be wondering this at all. Anyway, I had convinced myself a couple years ago that I had spent enough time figuring myself out to know that I was comfortable enough within my life and with my skin to just be alone and let things like relationships take care of themselves, present themselves instead of seeking them. It made all the difference in the world. And I think I'm being forced to learn that lesson all over again.

Not that I'm not comfortable with myself, but I need to stop seeing every outing as an opportunity for flirting, every girl as a possibility. There are so many more important things in life, especially now, to be forcing upon yourself the undue stress in a fake courtship, and so many good people out there that you can miss meeting because you're too hung up on things like romance. So I guess I'm here saying again what I've been saying for the past few years. Despite the fact that there are so many opportunities to meet these women and pursue meaninglessness with them, now is really the time for focusing on the things that are more important, that are more necessary in forming a valid self-image and knowing your real identity. Now is the time to focus on things like school and service and self-sacrifice. The rest will all sort itself out, and even if it doesn't, I'm pretty well set to go with things on my plate. I think there'll be enough on that plate for a while to come.