Guys are pigs, but girls allow them to be.

Tonight, I went out to celebrate an old friend's birthday with karaoke and beer: possibly the two greatest inventions of all time. I become much more likable with beer I've decided, and also with karaoke, but that's beside the point.

While we were out tonight, a girl I've mentioned previously on this site who is
"smokin' hot" came around. I recapitulate my sentiments about her smokin'-hotness. We basically talked/flirted/what-not'd all night with some karaoke thrown in from time to time. On our ride home, she was very angsty, very much in doubt as to her past dating habits, as we all tend to be after we get the shit kicked out of us romantically, which she has been, aside from when she dated me many years ago of course. But regardless, she informed me of her intention not to get emotionally involved ever again, to never again fall in love, that she had in fact given up ever being someone's wife. I told her no guy wants anything as much as he wants what he cannot have, and that she was thus making the right choice if she wanted tons of guys to start chasing after her.

But this is my point - and she admitted as such, although perhaps unfairly as I still think there's a lot more victimization in her story than she lets on - that girls let themselves get treated like crap for a greater goal. Not that the blame lies with the women, anymore than the blame lies with most Germans for ascenting to a Jewish extermination they may not have agreed with. The blame lies squarely with these asshole men that are raised in an environment where objectification is beautified and lauded, where stereotype becomes reality and liscentiousness becomes righteousness. The blame lies in us men that consent and, more often than we'd like to admit, participate in this lifestyle. I know I've done as much or worse emotionally to some girls. And I'm probably worse, because I'm the prototypical "nice guy", so when I objectify, they feel even worse, like maybe it's their fault instead of mine, like maybe they're guilty of allowing themselves to be open to something deeper. Or even, best case scenario, like the nice guys out there are still just horny jerks looking to take advantage.

Tonight, as we were riding together, these two parts of me were waging. On the one hand, here's this smoking hottie that is vulnerable and interesting and we obviously still have intact connections from our relationship and friendship long ago. But by pushing her to these areas of her life she'd left unexplored, by encouraging this emotional intimacy with her, I had forfeited all rights to any kind of romance with her. I'd put myself only in the position to be a friend, to help her know that not all men are shit, that not everyone lies and cheats and objectifies, then vacates the premises emotionally after he gets what he wants.

Men are crap, and girls suffer for it. But there are those of us, few of us, that had it bad too, that grew up knowing that women are meant to be idealized, memorialized, and treasured. Those of us that cannot now, for fear of adding to the brokenness and vulnerability of the world, make a move with a hot girl that is obviously into us.

It sucks. And it's the reason there are so few nice guys out there. You girls should really make it worth our while.